


help me help you

by bananalarrie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bottom Louis, Fluff, M/M, Past Abuse, Sexual Content, Top Harry, harry is really kind, he has an eating disorder, im shit at writing tags, louis is insecure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 10:05:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5781925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananalarrie/pseuds/bananalarrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You never pay attention and your grades are suffering”, Mr. Winston said. “I promise I will take notes and pay attention”, Louis tried. “You see, that’s not good enough, I’ve been through this with you twice already this semester”. Louis rolled his eyes the last time it was Zayn’s fault. They were throwing paper balls and in the moment Louis took credit for it to save Zayn’s sorry ass. Louis is grateful Mr. Winston didn’t see his eye roll. “We have a group project coming up on Monday and I think i'm gonna pair you with Styles”. Louis was confused, who was this "Styles" and how could he ever turn Louis' D's into C's or even possible B's. "Harry Styles that is, he is the smartest in the class". </p><p> </p><p>or  au where Louis' struggling in more ways than one, Harry's meant to be his saving grace and group projects don't always have to be horrible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	help me help you

**Author's Note:**

> see bottom for notes :)

 

                                                                                                                                                                      

 

Louis sits in class wondering when this lecture will end. He stares at the clock. Mr. Winston probably saw him not paying attention. “Tomlinson, why don’t you tell me the answer?” Louis blushes and finds everyone in the class staring at him. He doesn't know, why the fuck would he have to know. College is a bunch of bullshit.

“Right, you don't know the answer. I wanna see you after class.” Great he thinks. His eyes fall right back to the clock revealing there's 30 seconds left to the lecture. 30 seconds till he can drag his feet back to his flat and shut out anyone who could possibly be a friend to him. 30 seconds till he can watch reruns of friends and waste the day away, except for Louis the day turns into weeks and weeks into months.

Louis truly doesn't know what he's doing with his life. He used to be a fun person. He would go out with Liam and Zayn to the club every weekend. _It_ changed Louis. _It_ ruined Louis life. _It_ damaged Louis beyond repair.

The bell interrupted Louis thoughts. The students scattered out of the room, leaving him and Mr. Winston alone.

“Tomlinson, Tomlinson, Tomlinson, what are we gonna do about you?”. Louis offered a shy smile. “You never pay attention and your grades are suffering”. “I promise i will take notes and pay attention”, Louis tried. “You see, that’s not good enough, I’ve been through this with you twice already this semester”. Louis rolled his eyes the last time it was Zayn’s fault. They were throwing paper balls and in the moment Louis took credit for it to save Zayn’s sorry ass. Louis is grateful Mr. Winston didn’t see his eye roll.

“We have a group project coming up on Monday and I think i'm gonna pair you with Styles”. Louis was confused, who was this "Styles" and how could he ever turn Louis' D's into C's or even possible B's. "Harry Styles that is, he is the smartest in the class".

Louis used to be smart. He used to actually care and study and pay attention. But that was before.

                                                                                                ~ ~ ~

Louis walked into his flat to see that Zayn wasn't home. He must be with Liam. He checks his phone and has two texts from Zayn.

 **2:53 Zayn:** How'd it go with Winston?

 **2:55 Zayn:** P.S. Im going to Liam's be back in 3 hours :)

 **3:00 Louis:** It went fine ... are you eating with him.

 **3:03 Zayn:** yeah theres a cup of noodles in the cabinet for you.

 **3:07 Louis:** k

Louis is kind of happy Zayn wasn't home. Now he doesn't have to move his fork around his plate and force unwanted food down his throat. Louis' stomach growls at him. He is a little hungry. NO. He doesn't need the extra calories, he never did. He walks into the bathroom with fresh clothes that swallow him and a towel. He sheds himself of his hoodie, t-shirt, and tank along with his sweats. He looks at himself in the mirror for a long minute. His hands fall to his stomach and grab at the thick fat that is just there and no matter what Louis does, it wont go away.

He feels a tear roll down his cheek . How stupid of him. He jams the tissue underneath his eyes, then digs his fingernails further into his gut. He suddenly stops when he hears voices. He puts his head to the door and recognizes Zayns and Liams voice.

"Shit", he mutters. He quickly turns on the shower and gets to his knees in front of the toilet bowl. He doesn't want to, but its the only way. He shoves two fingers down his throat and gags uncontrollably. He only stops when he feels the toast that Zayn made him earlier in his throat rumbling up until it pours into the bowl. He tries to control his sobs because it fucking _hurts._ He keeps stroking those same two fingers at the back of his throat until he feels empty. But even then thats not enough, it never is.

He slowly climbs into the shower and drowns himself in the steaming hot water until his skin turns a faint red.

 

"Hey mate" Liam calls when Louis appears from the hall. "Hey", Louis says so low, he's not even sure himself he heard it. Louis clears his throat. "Weren't you supposed to come home in 3 hours?"

"Yeah but Liams roommate had a girl over and it got a little awkward".

"Oh okay", Louis replied.

"Wanna watch a movie?", Zayn offers. "Nahhh I think I'm gonna go play a little footie." Cause exercise will help right? Zayn almost falls off the couch in excitement. "Can we come?" he asks.

"Ummm", Louis looks around the room. "Maybe next time?" Zayn sinks back into the couch. "Right, okay" he says slowly. Zayn smiles a small smile. Louis doesn't return it he just leaves.

                                                                                               ~ ~ ~

Louis walks until he cant feel his legs. He wasn't gonna play football, didn't even bring one with him. Sometimes he just liked to get away, be alone. Its what he deserved. Wasn't it?

Louis stumbles into the flat around six. Zayns napping on the couch with Liam attached to his back. When Louis throws his keys on the counter Zayn walks into the kitchen. "Where ya been"" I stayed at the park for a bit longer." Louis says. "Did you eat cause we ordered Chinese and theres some left." "No thanks, I ate out", Louis lies. "OK, I think me and Liam are gonna head out, maybe go to the club", Zayn smiles.  " Kay" Louis says as he walks to his room and closes the door.

He hears footsteps and the front door open and close as he crawls under the covers and turns on the tv. His stomach growls again.

                                                                                               ~ ~ ~

Louis mother was always so caring about his future. She made sure he had all he needed to become successful. Except all Louis had was a shitty part time job as a waiter.  Jay paid the rent for the flat she bought Louis. Louis and Zayn paid the bills and bought the food for the flat. Zayn is Louis best friend from kindergarten. They grew up together and Jay and Trisha were best friends as well.

Louis is rushing around the restaurant trying to keep up with orders. His Sunday shift ends in ten minutes. Louis hands another order to the chef. "Hey Louis" Louis looks up to see Eleanor, one of the waitresses he works with. "Hi", Louis says.

"I was wondering if maybe you um..." Louis looks at her with anticipation. "Wanted to go to dinner after your shift, we're both off in ten?" Oh God Louis thinks. " I was actually planning on going out with Zayn". Lie. "Oh okay maybe another time", Eleanor says on a smile as she walks away. You've gotta be kidding me Louis thinks. He's not even into girls. Louis sighs and clocks out ten minutes early and he cant even bring himself to care.

He takes the tube home with his headphones in at full blast. He has an early lecture tomorrow and can't wait to just sleep. His stomach starts grumbling. Its almost like Louis forgot that he actually had to eat. He gets off a stop earlier to go to go to Tesco and pick up some food. Just a little snack, nothing too big.

He walks up and down the aisles grabbing things but automatically putting them back after looking at the nutrition facts. He drags his feet into produce looking at the rows of apples and oranges and varies of vegetables. Maybe a salad, Louis thinks. He grabs a pre-made bag because he doesn't have the energy to actually make it himself. He walks to the register, swipes his card, and murmurs an inaudible "thanks" as he leaves the store. A light breeze hits Louis as he leaves.

                                                                                                                                                                                   ~ ~ ~

He makes it home in about fifteen minutes. He washes his hands and Zayn appears at the fridge.

"Hey", Louis says. "Did you eat?" , he continues.

"Nah I'm actually starving". Zayn peeks into the Tesco bag. "Want some", Louis offers. "Sure", Zayn says with a smile. Louis sets out two plates and two forks. Zayn pulls the dressing out of the refrigerator. They both sit down at the table. Louis pours a small portion on his plate and hands the bag to Zayn. Zayn practically pours the remainder of the bag onto his plate. He squeezes a gigantic amount of dressing all over it.

"Thats all you're eating?", Zayn asks, confusion in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm not that hungry". Lie. Louis is hungry and he knows it. But he doesn't want to feel guilty and pay for it later. "Suit yourself", Zayns says while digging in, munching on it obnoxiously. Louis giggles,  "Stop that you pig". Zayn laughs along and eventually stops. "How was work", Zayn asks. "That girl Eleanor tried to ask me out to dinner". Zayn nearly chokes on his water. "Doesn't she know your gay?", Zayn laughs. "I guess not".

Louis is finished with his salad so he gets up and throws his plate in the garbage and puts his fork into the dishwasher. "You going to bed?" Zayn asks. "Yeah, I'm gonna just relax, I have classes tomorrow." "Kay", Zayn says, still chewing on his salad.

Louis pads into his bedroom and strips himself of his work clothes and gets into an old t-shirt and some sweats. He crawls into bed. Fifteen minutes into Friends, Louis hears a knock at the door. "Come in", Louis says. Zayn appears from the other side of the door.

"Whatcha watching?", Zayn asks. "Friends", Louis replies. Zayn comes closer to Louis' bed. "May I?", Zayn asks holding Louis duvet. Louis and Zayn used to cuddle all the time. They're best friends. Louis is just not comfortable with Zayn touching him.

He's not the same person he used to be. But he wouldn't want Zayn to suspect anything. " 'course". Louis moves over and Zayn climbs into the bed. They lay close together, but when Zayn tries to wrap his arm around Louis, he flinches. Zayn must have got the hint because he doesn't try again after that.

Louis falls asleep to the sound of Zayns soft snores.

 

**Author's Note:**

> visit me on tumblr [@bananalarrie](bananalarrie.tumblr.com)  
> this is my first fanfiction so tell me what you think  
> comments and kudos are very much appreciated
> 
> THERES NO HARRY YET I KNOW IM SORRY  
> MY EDITING ALSO SUCKS SO IF YOU SEE A MISTAKE DONT BE SHY JUST CALL ME OUT


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